Welcome to my blog, it is dedicated to the journey that I am on to lose weight, and become a happier, healthier person.
I guess I'll start from the beginning. I was a thumb sucker. Oral fixation to the max. I sucked my thumb hard core until I was 7 and somehow my parents talked me out of my thumb, I think they offered me an object like a bike? That was the beginning of my gaining weight. Seriously, you should see the difference in between my 2nd grade school pictures and my 3rd grade.
I am the only girl out of four kids and the youngest. My dad loved the phrase "my only little girl". I, on the other hand, hated it. I have been a stubborn, button pushing, rebellious person since childhood.
I found comfort in food. I felt defiant because I know the norm with my friends was being thin and that was what was expected of me. I hate expectations and so of course, I rebelled. It didn't help that I had 3 older brothers that couldn't keep weight on. I remember watching them drinking weight gainer everyday and lifting weights. I couldn't figure out why my body was so different. I remember wearing sweatshirts even in the summer to hide my stomach.
I continued gaining weight until I was 19 and I had hit an all time high, 261 pounds. I was tired of being fat. I joined weight watchers, and moved into an apartment that was literally 50 feet away from the gym. I worked out like crazy and followed the weight watchers diet and over the course of 6 months I had lost 89 pounds. I felt awesome. I was running 5 miles a day and had a whole new wardrobe.
Then I had my treadmill accident. While getting on the treadmill I didn't notice that it was still running and I fell straight on my kneecap and then got flung off the back onto my hip. My pride was hurt and I was embarrassed, so I got on the treadmill on my hurt knee and ran five miles. Oh, and totally messed my leg up. After that I had a hard time working out on my leg and got out of the habit of going to the gym. I also moved away from the gym which made it harder to get to.
It was when I moved that I met my husband. We lived next door to each other, and I always played my music too loud. I had two jobs, and was going to school full-time. Life was crazy and the whole diet and exercise thing got pushed to the side and I focused on other things. Before I knew it I was 20 pounds heavier. We got married in 2002 and I just started to gain the weight back very quickly.
I tried everything to get it back off. All sorts of diets, but it seemed that the weight would not come off. They diagnosed me with a hypo-thyroid and POS (polytheistic ovarian syndrome) and it was a never ending cycle, the bigger I got the harder it would be to lose the weight. I would be so frustrated that I would eat feeling hopeless.
My husband got concerned because I was not the happy person that I use to be. My weight made me separate myself from others and depressed. He loves me no matter what weight I am, but he does want me healthy and happy. I was not healthy and happy.
In 2006 I got a job offer that took us to Grand Junction, Colorado. It was then that we decided that it was time to start trying for a baby. I had been seeing an Endocrinologist and she bluntly told me I was fat and that I will NEVER have a baby until I lost weight. It was harsh, but I needed to hear it. Still trying everything I could to lose weight while working at my stressful job only caused me to gain more. I had gained back every pound I lost when I was 19 and was left feeling depressed and defeated.
Months turned into years, and I was still not pregnant. It wasn't until March 2010 that I found out I was expecting our little Hanna. I was ecstatic! We had been trying for so long we couldn't believe it.
I started my pregnancy at 273 pounds and the Dr. told me that if I played it right I could actually lose weight if I wanted to. What? Isn't pregnancy the one time in life where you shouldn't have to watch everything you ate? The cherry on top was when I got Gestational Diabetes. I had to start counting carbs at every meal. Not only could I not eat what I wanted, I had to count calories too!
I won't go into the heinous labor I had, but at the end I had this little person that depended on me for everything. I never thought about who my weight was effecting besides me.
Here comes the blog! I joined Weight Watchers in June 2011. I need an outlet to talk about my thoughts. Positive and negative. I want to lose weight desperately. I want to get back to the feeling I had when I was running 5 miles a day and feeling amazing! But most of all I want my daughter to know that I have passion for something and that you can accomplish anything if you want it bad enough.
So join me on my journey to becoming a healthier wife, mother, and all around person. Thanks for taking the time to read about me. I can't wait to see what I become!
